Diary of a Night Auditor


I can’t with all these people right now

No, you can’t check-in right now.

Why? We were sold out last night.

When can you check-in? When a clean room becomes available.

When will that be? I can’t say for sure, checkout isn’t until 11a.

The newspapers are on the way. You can stop heckling me. I’ll put them out when they get here.

Can you not try to force the doors open? You keys will let you in.

What? Oh, they’re locked because I’m the only one here with a hotel full of people.

Breakfast starts at 6a. What?

No, we’re not going to open it early. Why? The breakfast crew isn’t even here yet. 

What did I say about checking in right now?!

Nope, no newspapers yet, same when you asked 5 minutes ago, and 13 minutes ago…

Yes, it’s chilly outside, autumn is starting.

What? Why are you mad at me?

Just… what even…

When a guest tells me that I should give them an upgrade for no reason


I’m like….


  • Guy: Can I still get a room?
  • Me: Sure. Just need your --
  • Guy: I don't have my actual wallet on me. But I can just give you my credit card number.
  • Me: Well, the thing is, we need to have the actual card present and a valid ID.
  • Guy: Oh...for real?
  • Me: Yes.
  • Guy: *muttering* bullshit. *walks out*


  • Guest: Hello, I'm here to check-in for two rooms *shoves phone with an email confirmation in my face*
  • Me: Umm, okay. Let's see. It looks like your reservations are for later today
  • Guest: What do you mean? It is today and I need to check-in right now
  • Me: I'm sorry, but your check-in time is at 3pm later today. We're sold out and checkout time is at 11am and we might be able to do an early check-in but I can't guarantee that
  • Guest: Why did it let us book if we need to check-in right now?
  • Me: Because you put your arrival date as today and your confirmation tells you check-in time is at 3p, look, right here
  • Guest: What am I supposed to do? Everywhere was full, I thought I had 2 rooms for right now
  • Me: Again, I'm sorry about that, and you have 2 rooms for later tonight
  • Guest: Okay, let me talk with everyone and see what we're going to do

♪Oh joy, it’s raining outside♪
♫One of our rooms is leaking♫
♪Rainwater on their face and side♪
♫Angry guest is shrieking♫

♪”I’m sorry” I say♪
♫”This is awful and uncalled for♫
♪Let me move you right away”♪
♫Complaints are in store♫

♪New room is thankfully dry♪
♫They say “comp my room♫
♪Full price isn’t going to fly”♪
♫”Okay” I say all too soon♫

Aug 9




(Source: mandatoryrollercoaster)

Aug 3
When you’ve as much as you can for a guest and it still isn’t enough.

When you’ve as much as you can for a guest and it still isn’t enough.

I’m open to the idea of paying you

- (via clientsfromhell)


  • Person: I need a room for tonight
  • Me: Okay, with a full hot breakfast, complimentary wifi, and a late checkout the rate for tonight is 179.95 plus tax
  • Person: I need a government rate, I'm retired military, and I ~*always*~ get the government rate
  • Me: *Looks to the fourth wall* -_-
  • Me: I'm sorry, but unfortunately tonight is a blackout night and the federal per diem isn't available, the best I'd be able to do is AAA at 174.95 plus tax
  • Person: No, I ~*~ALWAYS~*~ get the government rate
  • Me: I do apologize, but like I said it is a blackout night and besides AAA and AARP we don't have any other discounts and the whole town is sold out because of a festival
  • Person: You keep saying it's a blackout, what the hell is a blackout?
  • Me: It's a night that a hotel sets aside when it expects to be extremely busy and have limited availability. It's actually quite common
  • Person: That's fucking bullshit, so you don't want me to stay here is that what you're saying?
  • Me: *internally thinking yes* Not at all, but I have one room left and like I said the best I can do is 174.95 plus tax
  • Person: Well, you just lost a Priority Club member buddy *leaves*
  • Walk-in person waiting behind: Wow, you took that great
  • Me: Thanks, how can I help you?
  • Walk-in person waiting behind: I will take that last room

Pro Tip for Travellers #983


When a front desk worker says the hotel has no vacancy, stand there and sigh to yourself. This tactic usually causes more rooms to appear.